my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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