I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
