I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
