I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
