Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
