Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
