you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
