I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
