I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
