It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
