I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
