I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
