That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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