Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize