Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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