after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
