she woke up with a sticky ear
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
