Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
