I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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