I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
