I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sober January is a disaster.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
