My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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