I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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