I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
