I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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