She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
