your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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