The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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