Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
