OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
