Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
