evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
