So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
