You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
