Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to have your abortion
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
