you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
