Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
