There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
