I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
