the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
false alarm. still invincible.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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