Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
