There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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