I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Duck Duck Cougar?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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