I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
