Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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