tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
