i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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