Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
