I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
