i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
