I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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