Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
soo... how was my night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
