I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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