nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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