it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
