I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
