Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
