Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
