My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
