Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
