No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
