:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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