If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
