I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
