Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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